PRODUCTIVITY

For the past days, I haven't felt as productive as I would want to be. I have felt feelings that I am actually wasting my life. Here's how my  2 days went.

September 2

For today, I ave no idea on what I'm supposed to do. I'm home alone and I really can't think about anything. I want to read. I want to write, but I am not. 

Why? Is it just because it's a term break, I don't have the motivation to do anything? I'm really having a hard time figuring our my priorities now and it's really messing me up a bit.

I know as a college student, I must know to relax, but I can't help to remind myself that I have responsibilities and duties that I have to take care of whenever I do these blogs and that I must man up to those responsibilities and do them.

I guess I tire myself too much at some point that sometimes I fail to relax and so, when I do, I actually do nothing with my life. 

Today

Well, today, ... Well, yesterday, my friend asked me to model for them and I racked my brains out for clothes that I could wear. I'm not technically a girly girl. 

So we went out this morning and I can actually see how confident I have gone and how my high school friends used to view me. I guess, I was really not outgoing then because today, they asked me if it was okay that we commute to places. It felt okay. I mean, I did feel safe when I was with them, which I am thankful for, but also, I had a lot of fun.

I want to be like them. I want to live my life as it is and go places, but I feel too bound by my surroundings that I am not sure of that I am supposed to do.

I have to do this. I have to do that, but I want to do something else.

Priorities. I have to figure mine out. The things I have planned to do and the things that I said I would do last Monday, I still haven't done them today. Why.

I think I've been too used to people telling me this and telling me that, but they never really do it. I don't want to be like them. I want to be like the old me that actually does what she is told and isn't sufficed with mediocracy.